Looking back

 بِسْــــــــــــــــــمِ اﷲِالرَّحْمَنِ اارَّحِيم

Usually when people look back at the old days, they feel joy because the past was such a beautiful time for them. Their days would be full of fun and laughter, and carelessness wouldn’t be much of an issue. Those were the days for them, as they always say. As for me, however, whenever I look back, I am full of regret. It’s not as bad as it sounds though, and in fact out of all the kids my age, I was probably the most innocent. I was good at studies, and didn’t do anything immodest. I didn’t date, I didn’t humiliate people openly or anything like that. Yet I still regret it a lot. And so what is it that I regret?

There was only one thing that kept me going. Every night when the lights were turned off and my siblings were fast asleep, I would pray to Allah while lying awake in bed. I would ask Him to show me the straight path, and to help me out of my problems. My negligence of solah was my biggest concern at the time. I would ask Him this every night, InsyaAllah. On the other hand, if he or she prays regularly but continues to sin, it may mean that Allah is still not satisfied with their worship.

It was at the point that I also realized how important hijab was in my life. I understood the beauty of a woman covering herself, knowing that she is not just supposed to display herself to the opposite sex. Rather, she is a pearl, and a pearl is something not everyone should be allowed to see. In a way, I earned self-respect. I wanted to start emulating what all the Muslim women did at the time of the Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him. 

I prayed to Allah that He make it easy for me, and subhanAllah, trust me when I say this, I could feel the help of Allah throughout the entire phase of my transition.  If there are any sisters out there who think they “doubt the concept of hijab” or that they’re “just not ready”, trust me, this is one thing that you will never regret. For some of you it might be hard in the beginning, but remember that this is one thing that pleases our Lord. At the end of the day, I’ve realized all of that doesn’t matter a single bit. May Allah save us from being amongst them, and show us the right path to Jannatul Firdaus. Ameen.

"A writer shares her story about how her past didn’t hinder her from making
 a positive and empowering change in her future"