Living with scoliosis

The trouble with living with Scoliosis is that oftentimes you think you've grown to the physical discomfort and pain that comes with having Scoliosis. Then sometimes life throws you a curve ball which tests your limitations, patience and faith.

The truth is not very spectacular, it's just a pain to deal with *ironic smile* 

Earlier this week I woke up with severe pain in my neck (yes this does sound really odd, but it's true), which has not ceased since then. Malays would call it "seliuh bantal"  which basically means you'd sprained your neck while sleeping on your pillow. In other words sprain your neck in your sleep. The trouble about having a sprained neck with this Scoliosis of mine is that it causes a whole lot of other pains. Not only the neck region is throbbing (spasming), my upper curve (the upper spine recall that my spine has the S-curve) as well as the rib hump they'd removed and repaired in the spinal fusion back in 2007 are hurting as well. There are 3 basic types of treatments for scoliosis. From the observation, orthopaedic bracing and surgery.

I have so much to share but there is always so little time in a day! But I've got a piece of good news and new discovery to share with my fellow scoliosis friends. Alright, maybe this discovery is not so new for some of us out there, but it is to me (:

I walked at the park 5 days a week, 30 minutes each time. But it wasn't sufficient. My spine, and back muscles still didn't feel strong enough but dear friends, you can start with walking. Just walk. Go to the park and walk. Moved your arms in silly ways that make you feel good and ignore those evil-starers and don't stop for 30 minutes. Stretch when you've done with walking. Stretch your legs, your arms, your back. Be careful, but stretch and feel good about your achievement. Because this will be the start of great benefits. There are specific exercises to do to help strengthen the back muscles. I'm not talking about strengthening the spine or exercising your curves. What I mean is, if you concentrate on strengthening your back muscles (those muscles surrounding your back area), you can minimise discomfort and pain, breathe smoothly and you'll also find yourself feeling stronger and better about yourself.

So what is my point here? 

The point that I am trying to make is.. don't give up! 

When you have scoliosis, some days the pain can drag you down. Some days it doesn't seem as if you will ever be normal or live normally. Some days there are just so many things that you cannot do.

Fight it. Fight the pain. Exercise. Go ahead, try it (: 

To my scoliosis friends out there who are going through hard times and feeling as if normality is so much out of reach. Please have faith. Have faith in yourself. Have faith in a Higher Being (whatever your religious believe might be). Have faith, stay strong, and don't give up on the hope that one day normality will be within your grasp and in your life once again.

If I do surgery, it takes time to heal as I have to do theraphy and so on. 
Kinda waste my time ryte? :D

Beduk Diketuk

"...apabila beduk diketuk, tentulah ada yang rasa terkejut, tak senang malah ada kalanya 'bingit', namun sebaik menyedari untuk apa beduk itu diketuk. Kita akan mula memberi perhatian, mendengarnya dengan teliti dan bertindak selaras dengan mesej yang dibawanya. Suara peringatan ada kalanya tidak perlu terlalu nyaring, namun cukup sekadar dapat didengar oleh telinga dan hati. Orang yang bijaksana akan lebih terkesan oleh bisikan berbanding jeritan..."

Begitulah aku dan adik-adik walaupun dah besar panjang dan macam galah yang boleh diibaratkan seperti beduk yang apabila diketuk oleh ummi, barulah terkejut dan mula memberikan perhatian terhadap apa yang ingin disampaikan oleh ummi. Selagi tak diketuk, selagi tu tak bergerak dan lakukan perubahan. Ayat terakhir yang terpacul daripada mulut ummi kepada kami bertiga adalah

"...suka atau tidak, selagi ummi hidup, selagi tu ummi akan bercakap sebab nanti kat akhirat Allah akan soal ummi. bila ummi dah takde, korang tak akan dengar dah bebelan ummi nanti..."

(T__T)

Tales of Heart and Soul

I do love him

and

only Allah knows how hard I keep this feeling

but

biarlah saling tak berhubungan, namun saling mendoakan

(T_T)

"...cintailah seseorang itu secara diam-diam, seperti kisah cinta suci Saidatina Fatimah r.a dan Saidina Ali k.w, yang akhirnya Allah pertemukan jua. sesungguhnya mereka yang mencintai secara diam itu sedang berjihad. berjihad menentang kehendak diri. menundukkan nafsu hati..."

Advice

"Nasihat timbul atas rasa sukakan kebaikan dan kasih sayang terhadap seseorang. Elakkan nasihat-nasihat yang bertujuan memarahi dan memalukannya atau menunjukkan kepandaian diri. Nasihat yang baik adalah satu doa untuk kebaikan terhadap sahabat..."

-Sampaikan secara peribadi bukan secara terbuka-

Father and Daughter

A liltle girl and her father were crossing a bridge

The father was kind of scared so he asked her daughter :

"Sweetheart, please hold my hand so that you don't fall into the river"

The liltle girl said, "No dad, you hold my hands"

"What's the difference?" Asked the puzzled father 

"There's a big difference", replied the liltle girl

"...If I hold your hand and something happens to me, chances are that I may let your hand go. But if you hold my hand, I know for sure that no matter what happens,  you will never let my hand go...".

-Sometimes wisdom can be learnt from the smallest children-

-Your parents are a gift for you, cherish them-

I need her

What's on my mind?

Crying

Kosong                            Nothing

Useless                                                Tired

Sick                   Benci

Annoying

and

Ummi, I need you now and wanna cry on your shoulders.

I called her just now and shared with her about all the burden and in the end, there's no word I can say unless thanks for being understanding.

"...Thats what mother is for. Use the opportunity and trust given to move one step forward. Work with effort to show your ability and gain experience and knowledge. As your mum, always pray for your success and proud of my daughter. Sweetie, Allah tests us often and for every pain He gives us, is followed by rich grain. So whenever we feel that everything is going wrong, it is Allah's way to make our spirits strong. One more thing dear, relief yourself by putting Allah love above all. Only with His love and gratitude we will get the sincere love of human..."

                                     

                                                                                                                    -Ummi-

"...And whoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out from every difficulty..." 

                                                                                     -Al Talaaq 65:2-

Remain patient, Hanan!

Don't ever give up

Keep striving!

Don't let anyone put you down and be strong!

You can get through this!

InsyaAllah

Our First Anniversary

 بِسْــــــــــــــــــمِ اﷲِالرَّحْمَنِ اارَّحِيم

13 JUNE? Ada apa dengan 13 JUNE? Alhamdulillah syukur ke hadrat Allah kerana sudah genap setahun aku dan rakan-rakan seperjuangan menuntut ilmu di sebuah institusi pengajian.  Sepanjang tempoh 1 tahun ini pelbagai perkara yang telah berlaku. Suka? Duka? Ye terlalu banyak.

Di IIC lah tempat aku bertemu rakan-rakan baru seperti Maya, Fatihah, Mimi, Aimi, Azlina, Nina, Hudha, Sofia, Wan, Kimi, kak Ima, kak Syawa, Biela, kak Ain, kak Dalila, Izzat dan ramai lagi serta tidak lupa juga buat rakan foreigner aku iaitu Fatemeh. Buat Fatin Asyifa, walaupun hanya 2 minggu kita berkenalan, tapi sudah seperti lama kita bersahabat. Itulah hebatnya apabila berukhuwwah. 

Di IIC lah tempat aku mencari identiti diri, mencari semangat baru selepas kegagalan dalam SPM yang lalu kerana terlalu leka pada zaman persekolahan, mengetahui apa itu sahabat, apa itu kawan dan apa itu lawan.

Sepanjang setahun di IIC

Final bermula minggu hadapan. Jadi, berusahalah dari sekarang agar kita sama-sama mengecapi kejayaan.

-Man Jadda Wajada-

My formula

 بِسْــــــــــــــــــمِ اﷲِالرَّحْمَنِ اارَّحِيم

My formula for living is quite simple. I get up in the morning and 

I go to bed at night. In between, I occupy myself as best I can.

 Never hate, don't worry, live simply, expect a little, give a lot, always smile, 

live with love, be with Allah. I applied eight of them to have a better life. 

Things you can do to please Allah

 بِسْــــــــــــــــــمِ اﷲِالرَّحْمَنِ اارَّحِيم

Learn some Qur'an

 Respect your Parents, teachers and elders

Do your prayers on time and try and perfect them

 Read stories of the Prophet (saws) and His Companions

 Learn some of the names of Allah, each day

 Ask Allah for forgiveness

 Do your homework neatly

 Make Mum and Dad a cup of tea

 Be friendly to everyone you meet

 Try learning and understanding the Hadeeth of the Prophet (saw)

 Treat others the way you want others to treat you

-Allah loves those who are always trying to please Him - so keep trying and when you make a mistake always turn to Him and ask Him to forgive you-

Looking back

 بِسْــــــــــــــــــمِ اﷲِالرَّحْمَنِ اارَّحِيم

Usually when people look back at the old days, they feel joy because the past was such a beautiful time for them. Their days would be full of fun and laughter, and carelessness wouldn’t be much of an issue. Those were the days for them, as they always say. As for me, however, whenever I look back, I am full of regret. It’s not as bad as it sounds though, and in fact out of all the kids my age, I was probably the most innocent. I was good at studies, and didn’t do anything immodest. I didn’t date, I didn’t humiliate people openly or anything like that. Yet I still regret it a lot. And so what is it that I regret?

There was only one thing that kept me going. Every night when the lights were turned off and my siblings were fast asleep, I would pray to Allah while lying awake in bed. I would ask Him to show me the straight path, and to help me out of my problems. My negligence of solah was my biggest concern at the time. I would ask Him this every night, InsyaAllah. On the other hand, if he or she prays regularly but continues to sin, it may mean that Allah is still not satisfied with their worship.

It was at the point that I also realized how important hijab was in my life. I understood the beauty of a woman covering herself, knowing that she is not just supposed to display herself to the opposite sex. Rather, she is a pearl, and a pearl is something not everyone should be allowed to see. In a way, I earned self-respect. I wanted to start emulating what all the Muslim women did at the time of the Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him. 

I prayed to Allah that He make it easy for me, and subhanAllah, trust me when I say this, I could feel the help of Allah throughout the entire phase of my transition.  If there are any sisters out there who think they “doubt the concept of hijab” or that they’re “just not ready”, trust me, this is one thing that you will never regret. For some of you it might be hard in the beginning, but remember that this is one thing that pleases our Lord. At the end of the day, I’ve realized all of that doesn’t matter a single bit. May Allah save us from being amongst them, and show us the right path to Jannatul Firdaus. Ameen.

"A writer shares her story about how her past didn’t hinder her from making
 a positive and empowering change in her future"